A Stumbler's Walk | ENOUGH?

 "Lord if you will..." (Man with Leprosy)

 "I will..." (Jesus)

-- Matthew 8:2-3

As a stumbler I sometimes doubt my position with God. How's that for blunt? I ask questions. Am I good enough? Am I doing enough? Am I enough? If you cannot relate, God bless you..., adjust your halo and come back for my next post.

The answer to these questions is... NO. No, I am not. (And neither are you.) And though a difficult admission, it is a freeing one. Though humbling and humiliating, it is good news. But we'll come back to that. 

Now to a deeper Stumbler's struggle. And this one is a bit darker and difficult to admit. I have never questioned the power of God. I have never questioned the wisdom or knowledge of God. He is and has always been in my mind all the Omnis the theologians proclaim - Omnipotent, Omniscient, Omnipresent. I have never even struggled with the goodness of God. My struggle is with his goodness toward me. And at it's core, am I enough that God would intimately care for - and be involved with - me.

Jesus has just "come down from the mountain;" the Sermon on the Mount mountain. He has moved and challenged the crowds. He has spoken words of truth and life that have ignited hearts and shamed hypocrites. Jesus comes down from the the mountain... and comes face to twisted decaying face with a leper.

There is SO much culturally and religiously wrong with the picture that I cannot take the space to describe. Short version: The leper should not have been there. The leper should not have so audaciously thought he had the right to appear before the Teacher (or any other non-leprous person for that matter). He was an outcast... a dreg... a left-behind. A leper was not good enough, could not be enough - was the opposite of enough -  to come to Jesus.

But here he is; blocking the path. The crowds that follow Jesus (down from the mountain) shrink away in disgust. Religion tends to do that. The man with half a face and no fingers says, "If you will, you can make me clean."

Only a few in the crowd (that came down from the mountain) believe Jesus CAN do it. None believe he WILL do it.

Then... Jesus reached out and touched him. Touched him. The man hadn't been looked in the eyes, addressed as human, or especially touched by another person in years. Jesus touched him. "I will; be (you are) clean." And the man was.

"I will..." Those were the words of Jesus then. They are the words of Jesus now. "I will..." They are the words of Jesus to me and to you; "I will..."

A leper was enough, because God saw his value, loved him, and said, "You are enough for my attention and touch."

You are enough because God sees your value, loves you, and says, "You are enough for my attention and touch." And so am I.

Thank God, our confidence is in God; and not in us. He is good. Always. And his love makes us enough.

God... If you are willing... Wait, I hear a whisper... "I am willing..."

For now,
D