(Note: This post is a redo follow up on A PERSONAL NOTE TO A NEW YEAR. Though written a couple NYE's ago... well, if the shoe fits. A final thought on the whiteboard that is 2020.)
Regrets,
I've had a few...
- My Way, by Frank Sinatra
It will soon be 11:59:59 p.m. December 31, 20__ (pick one). A whisper of the
second hand will lift the curtain on a new year.
Retrospectives have begun; countdowns of the top songs, movies, and
news stories of the past year. This week The meaning of Auld
Lang Syne will be googled a hundred thousand times. Fittingly, the
direct translation is Old Long Ago, or more loosely, Times
Gone By.
That is, after all, what time does. It goes by. Time passes. It
can be reflected upon and reminisced. It can be memorialized. Good times gone
by will be celebrated. There is, however, a dark side to Auld Lang
Syne. It can be a song of regret. It can be a mournful tune of - IF
ONLY...
Regrets fall into three primary categories:
1) Those things we did, but wish we hadn't.
2) Those things we never did, but wish we had.
3) The weight of wasted time.
Those things we did, but wish we
hadn't
I vividly recall
pulling into our garage after a family outing years ago. My son, somewhere
around eight years old at the time, bolted from the left rear door the moment
the car stopped. He raced around the back of the SUV and up the passenger side.
His goal was to get to the television before his sisters, so he could start
the Star Wars DVD where he had paused it. My daughter, unaware
of the approaching blond Flash, opened her door just in time for his head to
meet its sharp edge at full speed. The resulting head wound was impressive to
say the least. An ER visit and many stitches later, all was well. He has the
scar to this day - a memento of a painful experience.
We all carry
mementos of pain. However, experts tell us that it is usually not these we most
regret. The scars, the wounds, they are part of who we are. And though we would
not want to repeat many of the experiences; and may regret some, these are not
our greatest IF ONLYs...
The major IF
ONLYs of our lives are of the second and third types.
Those things we never did, but wish we had.
Much has been
written on the regrets of the aged or the dying. The greatest of these can be
distilled to missed opportunities: opportunities for relationships,
opportunities to risk, opportunities to step outside of comfort and attempt
something greater. Opportunities to answer the question, WHAT IF...? (But
I'm ahead of myself. That question is for the next post.)
These regrets are
formed in statements like:
If only... I had followed my passion instead of taking the easy path...
If only... I had told her how I really felt...
If only... I had been more present when my kids were young...
If only... I had been more generous...
If only... I had cared less what others though of me...
If only... I had believed in myself more...
If only has to be one of the saddest word combinations imaginable.
It is the lament of opportunities not grasped; of potential unrealized.
The weight of wasted time.
This regret closely
mirrors that above. It is the regret of passivity when passion was
needed... complacency where action was called
for... apathy when love could have made all
the difference.
Jim
Croce's Time in a Bottle is both beautiful and
haunting. It is a love song, and in some ways a song of regret. Croce
begins, If I could save time in a bottle..., and finally
concludes, but there never seems to be enough time... (I
am fully aware that I have lost all readers over the age of 45 to a reminiscent
humming of the melody. Come on back for just a few more moments.) The question
Croce ponders is one that we all ask from time to time. It is birthed from
wasted time. From regret. And in reflection we exclaim, IF ONLY...
These last two
categories are descriptive of the POTENTIAL LIFE - that
life that could be. But just like a piece of chalk sitting on a desk, it is
moving nowhere (see part 1). Our goal instead, is to live a KINETIC
LIFE - the life that IS; that IS moving,
that IS trying. The life that IS attempting
and failing and succeeding. The life that IS living.
What if... you had another
chance?
Well, that is for
the next post. But I can't help but say: You do have another chance! It is
a gift, a present. It is THE present. It is now! And you have the opportunity
to dream the possibilities... What if...?
For now...
D
