STEERING OUT OF THE GRAVEYARD SPIRAL

On July 16, 1999 a single engine Piper Saratoga piloted by John F. Kennedy Jr. crashed into the turbulent waters off the Martha's Vineyard coast. Kennedy and his two passengers, wife Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy and sister-in-law Lauren Bessette, were killed instantly upon impact. The NTSB concluded that Kennedy, "...failed to maintain control of the airplane during a descent over water at night which was a result of spatial disorientation."

Spatial disorientation used to be known as Pilot Vertigo. In extreme cases, a pilot loses awareness of his or her position in reference to surroundings. Senses begin to lie and the natural reaction is to respond to the bad information in ways that only increase the catastrophic nature of the situation. Often the result is a deadly occurrence known as GRAVEYARD SPIRAL.

A ten-year study conducted by the U.S. Air Force concluded that 25 to 30 percent of high-performance aircraft crashes were due to pilot spatial disorientation. Highly trained, competent and experienced pilots, sometimes in perfect weather, but more often in poor conditions, have suffered spatial disorientation and found themselves unwittingly in the Graveyard Spiral. In extreme cases, pilots have crashed state of the art fighter jets into the ocean or ground at over 600 miles per hour while completely unaware of their position relative to the earth.

The phenomenon begins when a pilot banks the aircraft in a turn. At some point in the banked turn (around 20 seconds) the sensation to the pilot is that the plane is level. We have all experienced this to a very minor degree on an airliner. The pilot then level the wings, but the changing sensation feels as if the plane has banked in the opposite direction, when in fact, it is level. Responding to the sensation, the pilot will again bank into the turn. The aircraft dips causing the loss of lift and a nose-down attitude. Seeing the altimeter spinning downward, the pilot's natural response is to pull the nose up in order to pull out of the dive. The result however, is the exact opposite and is often catastrophic. In attempting to pull the nose up, all the pilot accomplishes is an ever tightening spiral with decreased lift and a quicker descent toward the ground.

The key to pulling out of the Graveyard Spiral is to set 

focus on the horizon - whether the true horizon or the 

instrument horizon which is oriented to the true. 

So enough for the aeronautical lecture (plus, that's all I understand). Here's the bottom line - sometimes your senses will lie to you. Sometimes the information we take in and rely on is incorrect or incomplete. Therefore we must have a horizon ... a compass... something true to which we orient ourselves. It is the only way to keep the wings (of life) level and the attitude true. (Maybe you've heard it said, "your attitude - a flying term for nose up/down orientation - affects your altitude.")

So what does this have to do with success? Everything! To be truly successful, we must be oriented to the right things. Fame, fortune and power are fine things. But they are not the True North of the compass or an accurate Horizon. (Obviously, this is just an opinion, but it is my blog!)

If our reference points are off; if we think we are flying right-side-up, but instead, are all the time upside-down; 

we are destined for failure. 

So I'm going to again leave this post mid-thought; and with an invitation (as many of you know, I used to be a preacher... but I won't take an offering.) I invite you to take a good look at the horizon... Are you level to it? Take a look at your life's compass... is your life heading to true north? Because only when the wings are level and the course is set to what is true will any of us find REAL SUCCESS. 

For now...

D

Random Inspiration

Sometimes we are caught off guard. Last night I stumbled into the gym after a long day of work and a long evening of (my son's) basketball. I almost talked myself out of a work out. I'm glad I didn't. First, because I needed the physical exertion. Secondly, because I was caught off guard.

I posted the following on FaceBook last night.

I told them both they had inspired me as I shook their hands and said thank you. 

I was a little hesitant to post this, even though I asked and was given permission. However, in light of our discussion of SUCCESS I am compelled to post. What I saw in the gym was the polar opposite of SUCCESS VERTIGO. What I witnessed was true success; both in the struggle to push through difficult circumstances and in the complete and selfless serving of another. It was a reminder to me that...

#1  Success is a process, and is not found in reaching a finish line. 

What's more, true success is who I am in the process. 

#2  Success is about people... relationships, impact and meaning. 

It is not about stuff. 

Humbled.

For Now...

D

SUCCESS VERTIGO

After the Comparison Kills post last week a friend emailed me the following: So who are you and what defines your success? I called to tell him it was not cool to use my questions on me. What followed was a discussion about personal identity, perspective and the deep meaning of success (oh, and the necessity for me to eat my own cooking).

I think I'm pretty solid on the first part of the question. I have a realistic sense of who I am. It's the second part I wrestle with. And what initially sparked the Comparison Kills post was the idea that each of us has our personal definition of success - or at least an opaque idea of it. How far down the success path we see ourselves absolutely affects our self-perception (the who we are part).  We align ourselves, our attitudes and actions, accordingly to what we value and believe. This is how habits, good and bad, get embedded into our lives. Do something repeatedly and it eventually becomes a part of you. The sum of the parts... IS YOU.

I have an advantage in this blog. I freely admit I am a novice. A sojourner. I wish I could write from a been there, done that... now take my advice perspective. Sorry, that's not the case. I'm on the journey. (I'm guessing you can relate?) In part, I am searching for my definition of success. I almost have it in the cross-hairs, but the here to there part of the equation is silently screaming for more clarity. (I hope to write what will probably be a pretty personal post about it soon.)

Linked to this is my deep belief that our culture suffers from VALUES VERTIGO. It seems we are flying completely upside down at times; all the while calling up down and down up. Sorry, but also for an upcoming post I plan to call THE GRAVEYARD SPIRAL (any pilot reading this just shuddered!). I won't give away the ending now. But if you're wondering where I'm going with it, allow me to illustrate by simply saying two words about "Success" in 21st century American culture: Kim Kardashian. Nobel prize? Nope. Sports hero (whoa, trouble there too), but nope. Artist? Author? Activist? Business Leader? Role model? No. No. No. No. And please, God, NO! Why is she famous (which is a pop-culture substitute for successful)? For self-promotion and a big butt.

Ironically, this is what I wore to the party. 

Sorry for the rant. And I don't mean to be cutting. But truly, a pop-culture success mentality has seeped into every area of the mainstream, and into our thinking. The problem? It is antithetical to most of our deeply held values. The result is Values Vertigo. And this leads to a skewed view of true success. Case in point; we judge people by what they do (for work) rather than who they are. Remember my two friends at the party? (See post Comparison Kills). Obviously, my career path didn't rate in their success paradigm. They handed me the goofy over-sized sledge hammer: "What do you do? I took it and swung hard: "I'm a pastor." But the bell did not ring! I shouldn't be too hard on them; we all make judgments.

So back to the questions at hand:

So who are you and what defines your success?

I obviously have a lot of work to do to get to the heart of true success. But this is a blog, not a book. I'm going to leave it here for now. Do me a favor if you will. Close your eyes (unless you are driving and reading this on your phone - in which case you have a whole different set of potential problems). Ask yourself, Who am I (really) and what defines my success?

Close them again (because I know you didn't cheat the first time). Now envision success... you as a phenomenal success. What does it look like? What do you see? (I see faces... not things).

For now...
D

Thanks...

Thanks... for the next 500 breathes that I'll be blessed with before this post is finished (I'm stepping out on faith and assuming I'll breathe to the end).

Thanks... for children. My children are my blessing. But all children are incredible.

Thanks... for sunflower seeds, the staple of my diet.

Thanks... for friends; all friends, but especially the I've got your back no matter what kind.

Thanks... for the pain of a hurt heart. Only love can leave that brand of scar. And it reminds that there has truly been (and will be) love.

Thanks... for The United States of America. Troubled? Yes. But I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Thanks... for the shoulder pain when I sleep on my right side. It reminds me of the way I could once throw and run and enjoy a kid's game.

Thanks... for my old Golden, Max. It has come down to just him and me in the house a lot more and a lot more quickly than I could have imagined. And he always thinks I'm the biggest deal.

Thanks... that at 50, I feel better (other than said shoulder) and fitter than I've been since my 20's.

Thanks... for the fact that if I listed everything for which I should give thanks, this blog post would expand to a novel. Whole chapters would be dedicated to names and faces, blessings and struggles; all conduits of hope, joy and growth.

Thanks... for the abiding sense that it's all going to work out in the end.

Thanks... for... EVERYTHING!

One might wonder why I wrote it this way; Thanks..., instead of, I'm thankful for... 
It's a good thing to be thankful. It's healthy and adds perspective. However, when I say thanks, it reminds me that my thankfulness is object-oriented. In other words, I'm not just thankful; I'm thankful to SOMEONE.

Thanks... for closing the gap of your goodness and my badness through the gift of your SON (Oh... and Happy Birthday in a month!)

Hey... still breathing! (Psalm 150:6)

For now...
D

Comparison Kills!

Years ago I attended a small town high society party. (I know that sounds a bit odd.). I only knew one person in attendance so it was an evening of introductions and small-talk.  Often, while my acquaintance who was obligated to attend, was socializing and working the room, I was left alone to fend for myself.

(Not rugged!)

At one point in the evening, while "fending" I noticed an interesting looking pair of men. One appeared as though
he'd come right off the pages of a Ralph Lauren Country catalog - big, rugged and expensively dressed, wearing boots that probably cost more than my car. The other had razor sharp creases in his slacks, a crisply starched shirt under his herringbone jacket and not a hair out of place. I walked up to them and introduced myself.

We small talked for about 30 seconds then came the inevitable question...

Sooo... What do you DO?

I wish I'd been the smart-ass then that I am now. I could have had fun with my response. Instead, I answered, "I'm a pastor."

Have you ever blown a balloon up just a little too much, then pulled the opening apart to listen to the air gush out while making that annoying high-pitched squeal as the balloon deflates? At the word "pastor" that's what I heard... and felt. It was almost as if I'd thrown up on their very nice footwear. Both men visibly stiffened and stood speechless for just a moment, looked down at their drinks and looked off; as if to say, "We want you to go away now." I did offer a quick and fairly SA response; "Yeah, that's effect it usually has on a conversation." They turned, I turned, and I decided for the rest of the evening I would be a Fireman.

Clearly my answer to the all important question, WHAT DO YOU DO? was not impressive to these two. My response didn't measure up, and therefore, I didn't measure up. It may be mainly a manly thing (as in men do it, though it's truly not that manly). We judge according to the answer to THE question. We've gone for the head-fake. It is slight of hand, and we lost which cup the ball is under. Enough with the analogies. Here's the point...

We falsely believe that 

WHAT WE DO (for work) is WHO WE ARE. 

But it would be uncomfortable in a social setting to be introduced to someone and lead with the question, "So WHO are you... really?" It's much easier to ask what someone does - which is OK. It's a surface question in a surface encounter. The problem comes with the judgement that follows. It is deeply personal, even ontological. We immediately begin to categorize a pecking order. And at the heart of this pecking order is COMPARISON. And can I let the cat out of the bag right now?

Comparison Kills!

I'm going to leave it today with a question. I want to deal with this question in the next post. Frankly, I've been wrestling with it hard in my life for a while. But for now I'm heading to church with my son and to an early Thanksgiving celebration with family (That feels like the successful thing...)


Here is the question...

WHAT IS SUCCESS?

For now...
D

(DIPS pt.3) RIDING THE STORM OUT

Some storms should not be ridden out. We've all seen the reporter hanging on to a stop sign while broadcasting a live remote in the teeth of an oncoming hurricane. Even George Clooney - with the help of Mark(y Mark) Wahlberg - couldn't overcome the waves of The Perfect Storm. Some storms should not be ridden out. (But not because they are difficult or the waves are big - we'll come to that). 

Side B to that record also plays true (remember vinyl?). Some storms MUST be ridden out... because what lies on the other side is so WORTH IT!

We may call it a storm. Seth Godin calls it The Dip. The Bible often calls it the desert. (I will use these terms interchangeably and mashed together). Whatever moniker we put on it, the bottom line is it is a hard, often lonely place. It shakes our faith, our confidence, and... well, it sucks! The Storm-Dip-Desert is doubt incubator on steroids. In its midst, we question our vision and ourselves.

Hollywood is going to give it another shot this Christmas. A new big-screen version of the Moses story is coming to a theater near you. Exodus: Gods and Kings - I really hope Hollywood gets it right. I didn't mean to give you whiplash with the abrupt change of directions, but there is a point. Moses is a case study in Storm-Dip-Desert. It is ironic that Batman* is playing Moses in Exodus: God's and Kings. The two actually have a lot in common. Both were brought up in opulence and given the best of the best; culture, education, extravagance. Everything. In the end, both become deliverers of sorts; bringers of justice, and instruments of a high calling. OK, that's as far as I'll take the Batman thing. I really lost interest after Heath Leger's amazing Joker anyway. As for Moses however, that is only a shallow dive into an incredibly complex and tangled life story.

Most are familiar with Heston's Moses; the white-haired, fiery alpha-male leader. But the Bible paints a different picture. As stated earlier, Moses' early life was one of abundance and easy success. However, his high calling, unrestrained by understanding, strategy or temperance got the better of him. Moses acted impulsively, striking out at oppression by focusing his rage-passion in one murderous action. My goal here is not to go into the moral or spiritual implications. (I will say that I'm considering an alternative blog to coincide with DStanFit50! that will be more along the lines of the sermons I used to preach - but that is neither here nor there for the issue at hand).

It is the result - the 40 year result - of Moses' actions that I want to make the point. Regardless of whether you believe the Bible to simply be great literature, a word from God or the word of God, there is power and application in Moses' Storm-Dip-Desert story. Moses, raised in the palace of Pharaohs, finds himself banished to a barren wasteland; of all things herding sheep. For 40 years no less! Moses is in a symbolic storm, a depressive dip, a literal dry desert. Apparently the place was so dry and hot that brush fires would spontaneously spring up and were not a thing to be much noticed. Read the story closely, you'll see it... it's not a burning bush that catches Moses' attention. It is that the bush burned, but didn't burn up.

I'm sure Moses wanted to give up many times. Although it's not specifically spelled-out, I believe that Moses' passion for his high calling, his idea of TMTITKTMTTMT (see Sep 17th post, Focus) drove him to push through. He kept dreaming, kept hoping, kept believing (Oct 14th Don't Stop Believin').

You see, though the storm is savage, the dip deep and the desert dry, we must push through. How do we know if we are to Strategically Quit or Stick it Out? This list is not exhaustive: 1) Refocus on the Target, 2) Talk to smart people that have our best interest in mind (and no other motive), 3) Think through the implications of quitting, and 4) GO WITH OUR GUT. 

What do we learn in the Storm-Dip-Desert? We learn patience. We learn perseverance. We learn LBs and NTs (Like Best & Next Time). But I think the most important thing learned in Storm-Dip-Desert though is HUMILITY. Jim Collins writes in Good To Great that humility is the the distinguishing characteristic in Level 5 Leaders. Do you know how the Bible describes Moses later in his life? The former palace brat, rich boy, impulsive reactionary is described in this way, "...Moses was more humble than any person on earth..."

The Storm-Dip-Desert doesn't feel good. I won't lie and make it sound like a happy place. It is not fun, but it is necessary! If you are not currently in the Storm-Dip-Desert I have news: You have either just come out or are about to head in. Sorry! Oh, there is a third alternative... those who never attempt to live to a greater purpose, to ascend to higher highs don't have to deal with many Storm-Dip-Deserts.

I am in one NOW. I hate it, but I love it. I want out of it, but I'm thankful for it.


For now...
D

*I had to throw this in just in case I lost you on the Batman reference. Or maybe you haven't seen the trailer yet for Exodus: Gods and Kings. Christian Bale, who is Batman to a generation - sorry you Michael Keaton and George Clooney lovers - plays Moses in the new version.

PERSPECTIVE...

Do you ever feel sorry for yourself? Me too. Allow me to build a case for why you should feel sorry for me right now. Then I'll put on my big-boy pants.

Thursday evening I drove straight to the gym in Dallas from a work site. I was flying out early the next morning and wanted to get in a workout before heading to the hotel. (This blog does have FIT in the title, afterall!). Following a good workout - and frankly, a long day - I walked out into the cold night air to my rental, with protein shake in hand. As I approached the rented Kia, I thought to myself, "what's all that brown stuff in the back seat?" My next thought... "huh, why am I looking directly into the back seat?" You guessed it, the brown stuff in the back seat was the tinted back window shattered into about 17,000 small pieces. Gone was my backpack filled with business and personal effects, along with my carry-on bag; all-told, thousands of dollars. It was a bad evening.

Fast forward to this morning. As I was drinking my coffee, contemplating some of the loose ends that need tying up from Thursday's theft, I received a call - the kind dads fear. My youngest daughter was stranded on the side of the road. The quick version, I now have the opportunity to purchase a new engine for her car. After a few calls to discover that local shops were slammed and closing soon, I determined that there was nothing I could do until Monday. (Obviously, I retrieved both she and the car).

Feeling sorry for me yet? I am embarrassed to admit... I was. My internal dialogue; "I am a victim of circumstances. No one should go through this crap!" If you are still with me at this point, please hang in just a little longer; I hope to make a point.

After the morning excitement I headed to the gym.. About one-third through a tough leg workout I was on the Hack-squat. The machine is close to a mirror and it was almost impossible not to watch myself as I strained and grimaced. That's when I noticed my shirt in the mirror.

BTW... I can't be held responsible for gym mirror cleanliness!

This post is about PERSPECTIVE. The mirror image you see here was interpreted by my brain as 26.2 TRIAL. As in one long-a#! trial; or a marathon trial. I thought, "You're telling me!"


Then it struck me. That's not what was written on my shirt. Though my "victim" brain interpreted it as TRIAL, the bold message of the shirt is 26.2 TRAIL. The shirt was presented to the finishers of the brutal (at least I thought so) Freestate Trail Marathon. 26.2 miles of trails, up and down hills, over rocks and roots. (I face-planted three times!) But as I mentioned in an earlier post, I FINISHED! I got the shirt.

So what my brain interpreted, due to my perspective and my "poor me" mentality, was actually the exact opposite of what was presented. The message of the shirt?

Dude, you're a marathoner... you are a finisher... you are an overcomer! 

I choose that message!

I'm not promoting a foolish choice to turn from facing reality. I'm simply saying that we must keep everything in perspective. (And I'm preaching to myself here!) All things considered; things are pretty damn good. Let's take inventory. 

• I lost all my stuff while traveling...
• I have a great job and have the opportunity to do some traveling around this country. 
• I have "stuff" to lose in first place. Ever been to Africa, the outskirts of Tijuana or a mission center in the US?
• I'm not at a point in my life where I find it necessary to break into rented Kias to steal people's stuff. 
• Everything was stolen while I was in the gym... 
• I am blessed to be physically whole. 
• I am able to make choices to pursue fitness as a lifestyle.
• I have not been called on to make the kind of ultimate sacrifice as have those whom we celebrated last week for Veteran's Day.  
•  My daughter's car...
• OK, this one just sucks! Kidding.
• Many families in the most affluent country in the world can't afford a vehicle. I have had the "opportunity" to purchase many (along with multiple insurances, tires, fill-ups, toll-tags, etc.); and there will be many more before I'm done. 
• The call that interrupted my morning was a frantic call from my daughter about a break-down. It was not the calm voice of an Oklahoma Highway Patrolman informing me of an accident. 

PERSPECTIVE. People often claim to be optimists, viewing the glass as half-full.   Not me. Nor am I the pessimistic glass half-empty type. In my view these miss the bigger picture. They miss the point and they address the wrong question. My view... the glass was made to hold more. How do we fill it to its fullest potential? 

That is the question that intrigues me... that haunts me... that drives me! (Maybe that's a subject for a future post.)


For now...
D