Regrets, I've had a few...
- My Way, by Frank Sinatra
It will soon be 11:59:59 p.m. December 31, 2015. A whisper of the second hand will lift the curtain on a new year.
Retrospectives have begun; countdowns of the top songs, movies, and news stories of the past year. This week The meaning of Auld Lang Syne will be googled a hundred thousand times. Fittingly, the direct translation is Old Long Ago, or more loosely, Times Gone By.
That is, after all, what time does. It goes by. Time passes. It can be reflected upon and reminisced. It can be memorialized. Good times gone by will be celebrated. There is, however, a dark side to Auld Lang Syne. It can be a song of regret. It can be a mournful tune of - IF ONLY...
1) Those things we did, but wish we hadn't.
2) Those things we never did, but wish we had.
3) The weight of wasted time.
Those things we did, but wish we hadn't
I vividly recall pulling into our garage after a family outing years ago. My son, somewhere around eight years old at the time, bolted from the left rear door the moment the car stopped. He raced around the back of the SUV and up the passenger side. His goal was to get to the television before his sisters, so he could start the Star Wars DVD where he had paused it. My daughter, unaware of the approaching blond Flash, opened her door just in time for his head to meet its sharp edge at full speed. The resulting head wound was impressive to say the least. An ER visit and many stitches later, all was well. He has the scar to this day - a memento of a painful experience.
We all carry mementos of pain. However, experts tell us that it is usually not these we most regret. The scars, the wounds, they are part of who we are. And though we would not want to repeat many of the experiences; and may regret some, these are not our greatest IF ONLYs...
The major IF ONLYs of our lives are of the second and third types.
Those things we never did, but wish we had.
Much has been written on the regrets of the aged or the dying. The greatest of these can be distilled to missed opportunities: opportunities for relationships, opportunities to risk, opportunities to step outside of comfort and attempt something greater. Opportunities to answer the question, WHAT IF...? (But I'm ahead of myself. That question is for the next post.)
These regrets are formed in statements like:
If only... I had followed my passion instead of taking the easy path...
If only... I had told her how I really felt...
If only... I had been more present when my kids were young...
If only... I had been more generous...
If only... I had cared less what others though of me...
If only... I had believed in myself more...
If only has to be one of the saddest word combinations imaginable. It is the lament of opportunities not grasped; of potential unrealized.
The weight of wasted time.
This regret closely mirrors that above. It is the regret of passivity when passion was needed... complacency where action was called for... apathy when love could have made all the difference.
Jim Croce's Time in a Bottle is both beautiful and haunting. It is a love song, and in some ways a song of regret. Croce begins, If I could save time in a bottle..., and finally concludes, but there never seems to be enough time... (I am fully aware that I have lost all readers over the age of 45 to a reminiscent humming of the melody. Come on back for just a few more moments.) The question Croce ponders is one that we all ask from time to time. It is birthed from wasted time. From regret. And in reflection we exclaim, IF ONLY...
These last two categories are descriptive of the POTENTIAL LIFE - that life that could be. But just like a piece of chalk sitting on a desk, it is moving nowhere (see part 1). Our goal instead, is to live a KINETIC LIFE - the life that IS; that IS moving, that IS trying. The life that IS attempting and failing and succeeding. The life that IS living.
What if... you had another chance?
Well, that is for the next post. But I can't help but say: You do have another chance! It is a gift, a present. It is THE present. It is now! And you have the opportunity to dream the possibilities... What if...?
For now...
D
(Author's note: While recently roaming Barnes and Noble, I came across a book entitled IF by Mark Batterson. I haven't read the book, but a quick look at the back cover told me that it deals with the same two big IFs I am here. I look forward to the read, but am purposefully holding off until I finish with these few posts.)
