Comparison Kills!

Years ago I attended a small town high society party. (I know that sounds a bit odd.). I only knew one person in attendance so it was an evening of introductions and small-talk.  Often, while my acquaintance who was obligated to attend, was socializing and working the room, I was left alone to fend for myself.

(Not rugged!)

At one point in the evening, while "fending" I noticed an interesting looking pair of men. One appeared as though
he'd come right off the pages of a Ralph Lauren Country catalog - big, rugged and expensively dressed, wearing boots that probably cost more than my car. The other had razor sharp creases in his slacks, a crisply starched shirt under his herringbone jacket and not a hair out of place. I walked up to them and introduced myself.

We small talked for about 30 seconds then came the inevitable question...

Sooo... What do you DO?

I wish I'd been the smart-ass then that I am now. I could have had fun with my response. Instead, I answered, "I'm a pastor."

Have you ever blown a balloon up just a little too much, then pulled the opening apart to listen to the air gush out while making that annoying high-pitched squeal as the balloon deflates? At the word "pastor" that's what I heard... and felt. It was almost as if I'd thrown up on their very nice footwear. Both men visibly stiffened and stood speechless for just a moment, looked down at their drinks and looked off; as if to say, "We want you to go away now." I did offer a quick and fairly SA response; "Yeah, that's effect it usually has on a conversation." They turned, I turned, and I decided for the rest of the evening I would be a Fireman.

Clearly my answer to the all important question, WHAT DO YOU DO? was not impressive to these two. My response didn't measure up, and therefore, I didn't measure up. It may be mainly a manly thing (as in men do it, though it's truly not that manly). We judge according to the answer to THE question. We've gone for the head-fake. It is slight of hand, and we lost which cup the ball is under. Enough with the analogies. Here's the point...

We falsely believe that 

WHAT WE DO (for work) is WHO WE ARE. 

But it would be uncomfortable in a social setting to be introduced to someone and lead with the question, "So WHO are you... really?" It's much easier to ask what someone does - which is OK. It's a surface question in a surface encounter. The problem comes with the judgement that follows. It is deeply personal, even ontological. We immediately begin to categorize a pecking order. And at the heart of this pecking order is COMPARISON. And can I let the cat out of the bag right now?

Comparison Kills!

I'm going to leave it today with a question. I want to deal with this question in the next post. Frankly, I've been wrestling with it hard in my life for a while. But for now I'm heading to church with my son and to an early Thanksgiving celebration with family (That feels like the successful thing...)


Here is the question...

WHAT IS SUCCESS?

For now...
D