Fake it 'til you... (pt.1)

Fake it 'til you make it! You've heard it. You've

said it. You've even tried it - be honest! So how did it go?

I'd like to think there is a faith component involved in fake it til you make it. But truly, the phrase makes me feel fraudulent. Thinking about this post, a quick search on the Google led me to believe there are many fake it til you make it proponents out there. At the same time the anti-fake-it-til-you-make-it contingent has a strong voice.

Enter Amy Cuddy's powerful TED Talk entitled Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are.

Link to Amy Cuddy's Ted Talk

I confess to being a bit of a TED addict. And the perspective Cuddy brings to the discussion is both insightful and powerful.

Along with Cuddy's TED Talk - to which we'll return - I recently saw the 2004 version of The Alamo. It may not rank with Gone With the Wind or Citizen Kane, but buried within are are some quotes that resonate. My favorite comes from Billy Bob Thorton's Davy Crockett. Crockett and Jim Bowie, two larger-than-life frontier legends, are reflecting as Santa Anna's massive army besieges the small rebel force within the Alamo. As they laugh (in the face of near-certain death) about the tall-tales told about them, Crockett admits,

"If it was just me, simple old David from Tennessee, 

I might drop over that wall some night... 

take my chances. But that Davy Crockett feller... 

they're all watchin' him." 

In this statement, Crockett (at least the fictional one) admits apprehension and the sense he feels that he can't live up to his - that Davy Crockett feller's - hype. Mixed with this, however, is the inner strength and conviction that he must fulfill the role to which he is called.

Ever felt that way? You've probably never waded the Mississippi, leapt the Ohio or killed bears with your bare hands either. (For the over 45 crowd, cue the music... Davy, Davy Crockett... King of the wild frontier...) OK, real world - at what point did you suddenly feel equipped to be a parent? Or even more challenging, parent teens? The fact is, you and I are thrust into roles for which we feel unprepared and under-equipped.

I have had the opportunity to serve in several leadership roles over the span of my first 50. Into some of them I carried an awkward combination of confidence and sense of under-qualification. For many years I served as the senior pastor of a good size church. It was at times a daunting spot for ... simple old David... who just wanted to... drop over the wall some night...  I now find myself in a capacity in which I am often the least qualified and technically savvy person in the room; yet the responsibility for decision lies with my role.

So what are we to do? Fake it 'til we make it? Though the idea has merit at points, I think it falls short. And again, the phrase and the concept have the aroma of being a bit disingenuous. When I hear those words I picture people I've come across over the years who exhibit a heightened sense of self-importance and an underdeveloped character. I don't want to be one. Yet, I don't want to settle. As a matter of fact I want to press on... to achieve more, to serve more, to BE more!

TED :)

I hope to expand on this a little in pt.2. So I'm going to leave you hanging for now. In the meantime, watch Amy Cuddy's TED Talk when you get a chance. I promise you'll be inspired.

For now...
D

The all-time "BUT THEN..."

'nuff said...
D

But then...

(I'm running with a concept I stole from the Sunday sermon in church. There, I've admitted it, so now I can go on). 

But then...

Have you really ever pondered the power of those words in a story? In your story?

But then... You can count on two things when you come across these words. First, something came before. Secondly, something is about to change. But then... marks a foot stuck in the ground, a change of course. But then... is the bridge in a story. But then... spans from the bank of what was to the bank of what is. But then... is a life conjunction.

But then... is seldom expected; and few have the fortitude to diverge from the comfortable path of ordinary to cross the bridge. But then (sorry, I can't stop), when they do, there is truly a story to tell. 

Most great comeback stories have a but then... bridge somewhere within. 

But then... the waters of the Red Sea parted...

But then... diverges from its cousins and then... and so then... The latter convey a continuation. And then... and so then... stick to the path without divergence. Sure, they may pick up the pace a little, but they do not vary in direction. But then... is a different animal altogether. But then... changes everything. 

I once read, and then preached a series on, a concept called The Principle of the Path (again, stolen). The basic tenant was this:

Your Direction Determines your Destination

Naturally, a thinking (and self-evaluative) person has to ask, "Is the path I'm on leading to where I want to go?" If not, and then... and so then... cannot get me there. A course change is needed. Only a but then... bridge can span the river of change.

Herein lies the twist. But then... is great in a story - after the fact, reading the biography or autobiography. A but then... has power. The problem: it's past tense. After all, if we are reading, watching or hearing the story it has happened. But your story and my story are happening! 

In order to have a significant but then... in your story,

you must have a but now...!

Our stories are being lived-out in real time. So if I evaluate my PATH - I look back to where I've been, and look forward to where I am heading - and I don't like it. I must have a stick my foot in the ground, change of direction, cross the bridge BUT NOW... moment! 

Someday when we tell our stories, we will reflect and say with a smile, "...I was _____ ... but then... _____ and everything changed..."

Sounds simple, and it is. EASY? Nope! It is easy for me to write these posts... living out the concepts herein... not so much. I'm just one sojourner writing to other travelers. Looking for bridges and hoping I can come up with the guts to cross. 

For now...

D

Just Breathe!

(Saturday March 21)
I woke up pre-stressed this morning. No reason. Actually, that's not true; probably many reasons colliding. Maybe it was too much caffeine last night. Add to that the pizza, snacks and ice cream. (It was my cheat day and I had family over to watch a ball game... a little grace, please!)

I'd like to think it was what I put into my mouth that interrupted my sleep, had me taking math tests I was unprepared for in my dreams, and woke me up restlessly unfulfilled.  But I don't think so. More than likely it was less what I put in, and more what I didn't let out that authored my stress.

A little test:
Breathe in.
Hold it.
Now breathe in again.
One more time.
It doesn't work so well, does it? Inhalation is not breathing. It is a part of the process. But without the exhale it is ineffective, stress-inducing, and ultimately damaging. (I'm told I would pass out from repeatedly doing this exercise and once out, my much smarter unconscious brain would tell my lungs, "breathe, stupid!" But you get the point.)

I think that's what woke me up. Too much inhale and not enough exhale. The movie and song titles are flowing through my brain right now: Waiting to Exhale, (I Can Hear You) Breathe, Just Breathe, etc. I inhale work. I inhale family issues. I inhale troubles and problems - my own and those of others. You do it too. But that's not breathing. There has to be an EXHALE...

Another exercise: 
Breathe in deeply.
Hold two seconds.
Slowly and fully exhale.
Did you feel that? Something left, and it wasn't just air. You micro de-stressed. Didn't you?

I exhale in many ways and they are all good. I head to the gym, spend time outdoors, practice my faith, spend time with God, hang out with my kids. I did something the other day in the gym that I've never done. After lifting and cardio I went over to the ab area and lay down. My intention was to do some ab work. What I ended up doing was just laying there... breathing. Really breathing... I was aware of inhaling and exhaling. And it was good.

I'm not abdicating a meditation mantra or breathing techniques. I'm simply saying that sometimes we need to remind ourselves to BREATHE! Literally and metaphorically. JUST BREATHE!  When the deadline is upon you... take a moment and JUST BREATHE. When the bad news comes... JUST BREATHE. When real life feels like that dream where you show up in class unprepared for a test, in your underwear!... JUST BREATHE! 

This post may not help you in any way... but now that I've EXHALED... I'm going to bed!

For now...
D

Spring Forward... Fall Back... (a quick thought)

We spring forward tonight. Really, we don't. Daylight Savings Time begins at 2:00 am tomorrow. But even with that, we don't truly spring forward. With Daylight Savings you and I stay in the same spot and just adjust the clock. When we spring forward or fall back, we stay in the present. We don't move in time. Time keeps moving the way it always has and always will. All we ever do is move with it.

But... think about the possibility of the impossible for just a moment. What if you could spring into the future? How far ahead would you spring? What & when would you spring to? Maybe a more telling question, (and please overlook the sentence-ending prepositions) what & when would you spring from?

So now you've sprung into the future. How will you look back on this moment? This day? This week and month? You are in the future; looking back at your NOW self, what do you think? Is it possible that THEN you would like to fall back to make some change?

I'm sure there are times, people and places you would like to fall back to. (Oh, we are back in the present now.) We say to ourselves, "If I could just fall back and do that differently... say that differently... IF..."

So now you've fallen back into the past. How do you view this moment... this now? Is it, and are you, all you want? Are you who you pictured yourself becoming? If you could fall back, to where and to when would you go? What change(s) would you make?  

NOW...
Sorry for this coming across like Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy, but there is a point. Allow me to quote myself - from five paragraphs ago:

 ... we stay in the present. we don't move in time. Time 

keeps moving the way it always has and always will. 

All we ever do is move with it. 

So I can't SPRING FORWARD. Nor can I FALL BACK! What I have is NOW... this moment... to be who I want to be... to live life the way I want to live. I don't like to think of the NOWs I've wasted! Wait a minute... those were THEN. I can't fall back to do anything about them and I can't spring forward to avoid what they may have created.

I HAVE NOW...

(If only I could spring forward to see if I've finally learned the lesson!)

For now...

D

RE-FIRST

FIRST, an admission: I didn't get to this post FIRST; like I planned. My grand scheme was to write my LAST post of 2014 on 12/31/14 and my FIRST post of 2015 on 1/1/15. Ironically, it was entitled FIRST and is still in draft form on my dashboard. Great plan... poor execution. But here is a good spot to make a point: IT'S NEVER TOO LATE FOR FIRSTS. As a matter of fact, a RE-FIRST can actually be better than a first FIRST.

RE-FIRST... I Googled it and came up with nothing. (Is it possible I actually had an original thought? Now that would be a FIRST!)

There is a dark side to RE-FIRSTs. A RE-FIRST carries with it some pain. Within a RE-FIRST is a smidge of defeat, a slight aroma of regret, a hint of woundedness, But there is a great upside to RE-FIRSTs. The first is the re. RE can mean many things. Another search turns up: With reference to or regarding; and the second tone of the diatonic scale in solfeggio. (I don't know what that one means, but I have seen The Sound of Music).

To be honest, neither of those lights me up. But this one catches my attention:

FIRSTs that don't go so well set us up for one of my favorite things (Whoops! Was that another Sound of Music reference?). OK, back on point. One of my favorite things... COMEBACKS. Comebacks are RE-FIRSTS played out; and I'm a sucker for them. Cinderella Man, Maximus Decimus Meridius. The Man in Black. Rocky. I readily admit the cheese factor, but I love a comeback.

None of us is too far gone for a comeback. As a matter of fact, the further down you may see yourself, the better staged you are for a comeback. But first things first. Literally. To make a comeback we must do the first things first. In other words, we must RE-FIRST.

So maybe your first for 2015 was to hit the gym. You promised yourself, bought a membership and posted it on Facebook - maybe even with your before picture. But you don't have an after... YET! (By the way, I'm using the gym analogy because it's easy, but hopefully you catch the universal application).

So this is my FIRST message of 2015. You haven't failed! You're just in prime position for a RE-FIRST!

For now...
D

LAST...12/31/2014; 11:59:59

Last.
What comes to mind when you read/hear that word? LAST. In most things I tend to lean toward the optimistic, but have to admit that LAST creates in me a negative feeling. I don't like being last. Last in line. Last place. Last one at the party. Last is Lonely. Last is Loser.

A Google search for LAST brings (among some weird things)... Last place... last minute (or worse, last second)... last laugh... last thing... last stand... last word... last chance... and on it goes.

I have another "L" word. How about Last as Legacy! How about Last as LASTing?

Today is the last day of 2014. We will reflect and reminisce. We'll watch montages of the best of and worst of the year. We will more than likely over-glorify the good and over-vilify the bad as we sing Auld Lang Syne. Personally 2014 was for the most part a fantastic year. But my hope is that it pales to 2015. Last year was last year. After all, Auld Lang Syne literally means Old Long Since. 2014 is no more. With one tick of the second hand 2014 will pass into past. AND ONLY WHAT WAS BUILT TO LAST WILL LAST! 

I invite you to produce a Pass List and a Last List. (Just a few thoughts below to get you - and me - started.)

Pass List:

Troubles pass...

Trials pass...

Shallow victories pass...

Disappointments pass...

Untrue friends pass... 

Last List:

Character Lasts...

Relationships Last...

Faith Lasts...

Family Lasts...

Purpose Lasts...

So my goal is to take these things that LAST 

and make them FIRST in 2015.

For now...
D