GRAD!!!

This is a little - OK, way - late...

My (eldest) baby girl graduated from the University of Southern California this week. She didn't have the opportunity to walk across the stage because she is currently in Seattle pursuing her dream playing professional soccer. 

To say I'm proud of her would be a massive understatement. She has exceeded my dreams and expectations in becoming the young woman she is. Her faith in Christ is most important to her and she has a compassionate heart toward those around her. 

At times I have parented out of fear. No longer. I trust God's presence and plan for her. 

C, I can't wait to see all the future holds for you!


An aside: As I'm writing this, Pirates of the Caribbean is on the TV. The theme music is deeply emotional to me. It was the music to my younger daughter's floor routine as a competitive gymnast. I guess it's just an afternoon for nostalgia. 

For now...
D

Fake it 'til... (pt.3)

FAKE IT 'TIL YOU MAKE IT...

FAKE IT 'TIL YOU BECOME IT...

BE IT 'TIL YOU BECOME IT!

Let's get right to the point. 

There is more in us than we know. 

More potential. More capacity. More ability. 

MUCH MORE!

Since I am for the moment enamored with Davy Crockett, I'll stretch the analogy out like salt-water taffy. Davy Crockett didn't become Davy Crockett at the Alamo. He was Davy long before. In fact, Davy Crockett was Davy Crockett all the time he was becoming Davy Crockett. Dizzying, but still with me? 

For just a moment you and I are sitting with Davy on the wall of the Alamo the fateful night before Santa Anna's canons reign down fire. You ask the legend, "When did you truly become Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier?" He smiles and as the light from a hundred torches dances in his eyes he says, "I've been Davy Crockett from the beginning. He's who I am, and who I am becoming." 

If I could sum up these last three posts in a phrase, it would be this paradox: 

You and I are who we are becoming... 

and we are becoming who we are!

I remember reading Malcolm Gladwell's wonderful book Outliers. In it Gladwell espouses the 10,000 HOUR RULE. His premise is that it takes roughly ten thousand hours of practice to achieve mastery in a field. (The theory has come under fire recently, but It's really not the point here). Gladwell paints his picture with the stories of many successful people; among them John, Paul, George, Ringo and Bill. (That's The Beatles and Bill, as in Gates). 

It is however, possible to draw an errant conclusion from the 10,000 HOUR RULE. The Beatles didn't magically become the Beatles as hour number nine thousand nine hundred ninety nine ticked through the final of it's thirty six hundred seconds. They were The Beatles with every chord strummed and harmony sung the whole time they were becoming the Beatles. Bill Gates was the inquisitive, creative, focused kid during those nights and weekends tucked away in the Seattle computer lab long before Microsoft ever was. 

Two problems with Fake it 'til you make it... The first is that we really can't fake it. I know I can't. I value authenticity far too much and can't stand it's antithesis, inauthenticity - especially when I see it in the mirror! The second problem with the concept is in the destination - ... make it. What does it mean to make it? When have we made it? Will we know? And the corollary questions have haunted the successful for eons: WHAT NEXT? and; IS THIS ALL THERE IS?

So we ditched Fake it 'til you make it... in favor of Fake it 'til you become it... Definitely better; but the transformation isn't complete. It still has us acting outside of ourselves (i.e. inauthentically). It does, however bring a sense that journey is the point; destination is actually - dare I say it - kind of irrelevant. 

So we come to the final transformation: BE IT 'TIL YOU BECOME IT...

We act on our beliefs; what we believe about ourselves, others, the world around us, and the deeper purpose behind. (Herein lies the faith component I alluded to in the first post on the subject.) And though our beliefs are all the time being honed and defined, they make up the engine that drives us.  

Our Beliefs determine and direct our actions. 

It is important to note that we act on our beliefs and not on what we say we believe - a subtle, yet massive distinction! May I once again make a case for the gargantuan value of authenticity?! But I'll save this one for future posts. (I believe I will soon be writing a subsequent vein of posts delving more deeply into faith). 

So there you have it - or at least all I have to add to the discussion at this point. There is more in you than you know. More potential. More capacity. More ability. Much more! Believe it... Act on it... Become it! As (coach) Herb Brooks said to (goalie) Jim Craig after the USA was embarrassingly beaten 10-3 by the Russians just prior to the MIRACLE of Lake Placid: "Have you (Jim)? Given me your very best? Because I know there's a lot more in you, a whole other level, that for some reason you just don't want to go..." 

My encouragement to you... Go there! I used to listen to a radio preacher that closed every broadcast with these words:

You are who you are... because of the 

Master Artist who put you together. 

Enjoy the Journey!!!

BE IT... YOU ARE BECOMING IT!!!

For now...

D

Fake it 'til... (pt.2)

My dad called me Davy Crockett when I was young, although I can't recall having ever donned a coonskin cap. OK, once (as an adult), but what happens at Cracker Barrel stays at Cracker Barrel! Even though I was for the most part capless, I did dream of wrestling bears and fighting for a noble cause. In many ways I still do. 

It is one thing to be called Davy Crockett and another to pretend to be Davy Crockett. It is far different, however, to find yourself thrust into a Davy Crockett role. Each of us wrestles bears. Whether we feel up to it or not - worthy or not, powerful or not, good enough or not - there are bears we are meant to wrestle. And no one can wrestle them for us.

The bottom line is that sometimes we just have to go for it (sorry 80's for stealing your cliche). We just have to do it (where are the Nike police?). We just have to BE IT!   

Once again, I refer to Amy Cuddy's TED Talk, Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are. Cuddy transforms the concept of fake it 'til you make it. In a nutshell, this is the epiphany I had while watching Cuddy's talk. Fake it 'til you make it is about arrival - arrival to a status, a position, a strata. This arrival is EXTERNAL. Cuddy's concept of FAKE IT 'TIL YOU BECOME IT... is about transformation. 

Now there is a word I like! Unlike an external arrival, 

TRANSFORMATION is an internal process
(with external impact). 

Transformation takes time. It is a journey. But after all, isn't life really most about the journey rather than the destination? It is this process that creates a Davy Crockett who, though he'd rather slip over the wall and run away, becomes the embodiment of courage and leadership in the face of overwhelming odds. It is this process that empowers a single mother to successfully spin the plates of provider, caregiver, disciplinarian and lover; especially when she feels like she's everything but a success! It is this process that enables a man to truly be a man; rather than the Madison Avenue image that is shoved down our playoff-watching throats! (Sorry, a little soap-box there... maybe for another post).

In the last post I wrote that Fake it 'til you make it smelled a little fraudulent? Well, let's deal with that. (Although I won't fully get there in this post). I don't want to dumb down to silly pop-psychology: I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me. No they don't Stuart! (Now that dude is in Congress?!). Bumper-sticker theology is not far off . You've seen it on the back of a car driving 47 mph in the left lane: Be patient, God's not finished with me yet. Well, the tractor-trailer coming up behind at 80 mph may take care of that! 

I'd like to take Cuddy's concept one step further. She took FAKE IT 'TIL YOU MAKE IT... and transformed it to FAKE IT 'TIL YOU BECOME IT... Let's go the next step and transform FAKE IT 'TIL YOU BECOME IT... to:

BE IT 'TIL YOU BECOME IT!

Subtle change of words (one)... Massive change in thinking!

But that will be for next time. I leave you, for now, with a quote I love. 

For now...

D

Fake it 'til you... (pt.1)

Fake it 'til you make it! You've heard it. You've

said it. You've even tried it - be honest! So how did it go?

I'd like to think there is a faith component involved in fake it til you make it. But truly, the phrase makes me feel fraudulent. Thinking about this post, a quick search on the Google led me to believe there are many fake it til you make it proponents out there. At the same time the anti-fake-it-til-you-make-it contingent has a strong voice.

Enter Amy Cuddy's powerful TED Talk entitled Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are.

Link to Amy Cuddy's Ted Talk

I confess to being a bit of a TED addict. And the perspective Cuddy brings to the discussion is both insightful and powerful.

Along with Cuddy's TED Talk - to which we'll return - I recently saw the 2004 version of The Alamo. It may not rank with Gone With the Wind or Citizen Kane, but buried within are are some quotes that resonate. My favorite comes from Billy Bob Thorton's Davy Crockett. Crockett and Jim Bowie, two larger-than-life frontier legends, are reflecting as Santa Anna's massive army besieges the small rebel force within the Alamo. As they laugh (in the face of near-certain death) about the tall-tales told about them, Crockett admits,

"If it was just me, simple old David from Tennessee, 

I might drop over that wall some night... 

take my chances. But that Davy Crockett feller... 

they're all watchin' him." 

In this statement, Crockett (at least the fictional one) admits apprehension and the sense he feels that he can't live up to his - that Davy Crockett feller's - hype. Mixed with this, however, is the inner strength and conviction that he must fulfill the role to which he is called.

Ever felt that way? You've probably never waded the Mississippi, leapt the Ohio or killed bears with your bare hands either. (For the over 45 crowd, cue the music... Davy, Davy Crockett... King of the wild frontier...) OK, real world - at what point did you suddenly feel equipped to be a parent? Or even more challenging, parent teens? The fact is, you and I are thrust into roles for which we feel unprepared and under-equipped.

I have had the opportunity to serve in several leadership roles over the span of my first 50. Into some of them I carried an awkward combination of confidence and sense of under-qualification. For many years I served as the senior pastor of a good size church. It was at times a daunting spot for ... simple old David... who just wanted to... drop over the wall some night...  I now find myself in a capacity in which I am often the least qualified and technically savvy person in the room; yet the responsibility for decision lies with my role.

So what are we to do? Fake it 'til we make it? Though the idea has merit at points, I think it falls short. And again, the phrase and the concept have the aroma of being a bit disingenuous. When I hear those words I picture people I've come across over the years who exhibit a heightened sense of self-importance and an underdeveloped character. I don't want to be one. Yet, I don't want to settle. As a matter of fact I want to press on... to achieve more, to serve more, to BE more!

TED :)

I hope to expand on this a little in pt.2. So I'm going to leave you hanging for now. In the meantime, watch Amy Cuddy's TED Talk when you get a chance. I promise you'll be inspired.

For now...
D

The all-time "BUT THEN..."

'nuff said...
D

But then...

(I'm running with a concept I stole from the Sunday sermon in church. There, I've admitted it, so now I can go on). 

But then...

Have you really ever pondered the power of those words in a story? In your story?

But then... You can count on two things when you come across these words. First, something came before. Secondly, something is about to change. But then... marks a foot stuck in the ground, a change of course. But then... is the bridge in a story. But then... spans from the bank of what was to the bank of what is. But then... is a life conjunction.

But then... is seldom expected; and few have the fortitude to diverge from the comfortable path of ordinary to cross the bridge. But then (sorry, I can't stop), when they do, there is truly a story to tell. 

Most great comeback stories have a but then... bridge somewhere within. 

But then... the waters of the Red Sea parted...

But then... diverges from its cousins and then... and so then... The latter convey a continuation. And then... and so then... stick to the path without divergence. Sure, they may pick up the pace a little, but they do not vary in direction. But then... is a different animal altogether. But then... changes everything. 

I once read, and then preached a series on, a concept called The Principle of the Path (again, stolen). The basic tenant was this:

Your Direction Determines your Destination

Naturally, a thinking (and self-evaluative) person has to ask, "Is the path I'm on leading to where I want to go?" If not, and then... and so then... cannot get me there. A course change is needed. Only a but then... bridge can span the river of change.

Herein lies the twist. But then... is great in a story - after the fact, reading the biography or autobiography. A but then... has power. The problem: it's past tense. After all, if we are reading, watching or hearing the story it has happened. But your story and my story are happening! 

In order to have a significant but then... in your story,

you must have a but now...!

Our stories are being lived-out in real time. So if I evaluate my PATH - I look back to where I've been, and look forward to where I am heading - and I don't like it. I must have a stick my foot in the ground, change of direction, cross the bridge BUT NOW... moment! 

Someday when we tell our stories, we will reflect and say with a smile, "...I was _____ ... but then... _____ and everything changed..."

Sounds simple, and it is. EASY? Nope! It is easy for me to write these posts... living out the concepts herein... not so much. I'm just one sojourner writing to other travelers. Looking for bridges and hoping I can come up with the guts to cross. 

For now...

D

Just Breathe!

(Saturday March 21)
I woke up pre-stressed this morning. No reason. Actually, that's not true; probably many reasons colliding. Maybe it was too much caffeine last night. Add to that the pizza, snacks and ice cream. (It was my cheat day and I had family over to watch a ball game... a little grace, please!)

I'd like to think it was what I put into my mouth that interrupted my sleep, had me taking math tests I was unprepared for in my dreams, and woke me up restlessly unfulfilled.  But I don't think so. More than likely it was less what I put in, and more what I didn't let out that authored my stress.

A little test:
Breathe in.
Hold it.
Now breathe in again.
One more time.
It doesn't work so well, does it? Inhalation is not breathing. It is a part of the process. But without the exhale it is ineffective, stress-inducing, and ultimately damaging. (I'm told I would pass out from repeatedly doing this exercise and once out, my much smarter unconscious brain would tell my lungs, "breathe, stupid!" But you get the point.)

I think that's what woke me up. Too much inhale and not enough exhale. The movie and song titles are flowing through my brain right now: Waiting to Exhale, (I Can Hear You) Breathe, Just Breathe, etc. I inhale work. I inhale family issues. I inhale troubles and problems - my own and those of others. You do it too. But that's not breathing. There has to be an EXHALE...

Another exercise: 
Breathe in deeply.
Hold two seconds.
Slowly and fully exhale.
Did you feel that? Something left, and it wasn't just air. You micro de-stressed. Didn't you?

I exhale in many ways and they are all good. I head to the gym, spend time outdoors, practice my faith, spend time with God, hang out with my kids. I did something the other day in the gym that I've never done. After lifting and cardio I went over to the ab area and lay down. My intention was to do some ab work. What I ended up doing was just laying there... breathing. Really breathing... I was aware of inhaling and exhaling. And it was good.

I'm not abdicating a meditation mantra or breathing techniques. I'm simply saying that sometimes we need to remind ourselves to BREATHE! Literally and metaphorically. JUST BREATHE!  When the deadline is upon you... take a moment and JUST BREATHE. When the bad news comes... JUST BREATHE. When real life feels like that dream where you show up in class unprepared for a test, in your underwear!... JUST BREATHE! 

This post may not help you in any way... but now that I've EXHALED... I'm going to bed!

For now...
D